Currently.

I learn to practice the spiritual discipline of saying no this week. We’ve been invited to spend the evening with friends, but Monday, we run like chickens with our heads cut off to finish the pressing errands, Tuesday is house church, and Thursday is already double booked. I haven’t picked up a book or a pen or gone to yoga in what feels like a month of Sundays. I admit to a friend that I don’t know if saying yes to another thing would be the best decision for my mental and emotional health—not this week, anyway.

We get the news we were hoping for, a long awaited answer to our prayers and the prayers of our family of friends. My heart makes camp in liminal space for now, hopeful for the future but unsure of how to let go of the familiar. The Holy Spirit reminds me that I have never lived a single moment outside of God’s provision and that there are no trap doors in his faithfulness. Of course, it comes as no surprise that I will need reminding again within the hour.

Some days are harder than others. That happens sometimes in the everyday hustle of this middle. We let imaginary storms toss us off course, revealing our relentless cravings for control and ease. Predictably, when things don’t work out the way we want them to, we suffer from short fuses and harsh words. We ask questions and apologize, finding each other again. If there’s one thing I know for sure, it is that my heart is inextricably tied to his, and that for better or worse, he is home for me.

Reading and read:
”To Shake the Sleeping Self,” by Jedediah Jenkins
”Glorious Weakness,” by Alia Joy
”The Next Right Thing,” by Emily P. Freeman

On repeat:
All things Kalley Heiligenthal.
Also, This American Life.

From around the world wide web:
Some thoughts on emotional maturity.
Watching this clip over and over again, because how incredible is nature?
The clarity of these thoughts from Richard Rorh.
All the praise hands for these “palaces of the people!”

Other things saving my life right now:
Decluttering my closet and donating to a local thrift store.
The scent of springtime and things coming back to life.
Gathering with friends for barbecue.
Singing “Great is Thy Faithfulness” over and over and over.
Colossians 2:17—the reality is found in Christ.