Coffee Date No. 17

If we were on a coffee date, I might not drink coffee at all. I've been on a major hot chocolate kick lately, with a couple pumps of vanilla, please. We'd meet in the afternoon at one of our favorite spots, and I'd hope you'd be okay with sitting outside. It's just starting to feel a little bit like fall in South Carolina, so I want to soak in the advent of my favorite season.  

If we were on a coffee date, I'd tell you I want more than just an elevator speech about your heart. The other day, I bumped into a friend I hadn't seen in awhile, and when I asked her how she was doing, her answer felt like a filtered pitch. I want more for us than that. I feel like we owe it to ourselves and the people who love us to be honest about where we're at. And recently, I've been praying for the courage to go first: the grace and humility to set the tone and create an atmosphere where the people I love can come and know that they don't have to hold anything back. So tell me, friend, how is your heart really doing these days?

If we were on a coffee date, we would probably talk about Las Vegas. I'd tell you that I've had this lump in my throat for a week now, and every time I think about those precious families, my eyes well up with all this salty, liquid sadness for all that is broken in our world. I might tell you about how passionate I am about gun control, and how expressing that conviction in public spaces has occasionally gotten me into some hot water. I used to fold quickly when I found myself in these situations, wilting at the first sign that someone might be displeased with me -- but not anymore. I've been praying for more boldness, more tenderness, more chutzpah if you will, and God has been more than faithful to give it to me.

If we were on a coffee date, I would definitely ask what you've been reading lately. I have several books on my shelf in the to be read stack. Most of them are books on evolving and growing in your faith because I'm finding those are thoughts I really need to hear. They're the kind that make me feel less alone and less crazy, and don't we all want to feel a little less alone and crazy? Anyway, the stack includes the likes of Seth and Amber Haines, Sarah Bessey, Zach Hoag, Preston Yancey, Jess Connolly, and Rachel Held Evans.

If we were on a coffee date, I'd share my new favorite nude lipstick. It's the No. 7 Moisture Drench in the shade Honey Bloom, and it is so pretty. I had never tried any No. 7 products before purchasing it, but after falling in love with this lipstick color and formula, I'm definitely interested in trying more!

If we were on a coffee date, I'd also tell you about my latest B&BW purchase. Oh. My. Heavens. This scent is just so good. I want it on my body and everywhere in my house forever and ever. I asked the nice B&BW lady if it was going to stay a permanent fixture in the store. I don't shop there very often, so a product I like one day is usually gone by the next time I go in, which is really disappointing.

If we were on a coffee date, I'd tell you that it has been a year since my husband lost his job and we left our church. Honestly, October 3 snuck up on me. I had to go back and make sure I had the date right. In a lot of ways, we are so, so much better off than we ever could have imagined ourselves to be -- but in a lot of other ways, we are still trying to heal and move beyond. One thing is for certain: Jesus has shown up for me this year in ways I never even knew to ask for, and he has proven himself to be more than enough to love all of me.

If we were on a coffee date, I might share the why behind the silence on my blog these days. The other day, an old friend of mine asked if I was writing much, and I told her not really. It isn't that I don't want to write, and it isn't for lack of trying. Every time I come here to write, I sense God whispering not yet. I keep hearing him say there's more I want to show you. And I think before this year, I might have just pushed that whisper to the side and plowed through words that, in the end, would feel so much less than what my heart wanted them to be. But now? Now I just want to listen and be obedient. The words will come when the Lord allows, and that is enough for me.

Now, friend, if we were on a coffee date, what would you want to tell me? I'd love it if you would join this wonderful group for some cyber caffeine.