02: The Question that Changed Everything

When he asked the question, I was nineteen years old, and thought that I wanted to be a beat poet. I was taking a class on Tuesday nights that centered around the idea of intentional spiritual formation, in which we had to write a seven page paper on where we planned to be, in a spiritual sense, of course, by the time we graduated, and I thought I was such a rebel when I wrote down that trying to plan like that may very well be even more useless than trying to predict the weather on May 23, 2047. We plan, God laughs, right? But I think most of what drove me in writing that essay were just romanticized notions. I had no idea at the time how much of my life and my identity really was in my control, and even if I did have an inkling, I probably would have avoided the responsibility like the plague. On the inside, of course, I was on the outskirts of a quarter-life crisis that would be fit for young adult literature or a coming of age movie. My pendulum swung back and forth between wanting to look like I had it all figured out and wanting to be cool and spontaneous and not even need to figure life out. I was a mess.

So when he asked what kind of God would create someone like me, I likely would have missed it, had I not been so secretly desperate for answers.

The posing of that question changed everything. What if my search for meaning and identity was really and truly a search for God? Not the easy, comfortable God who fit neatly into a bow adorned box, but the God who was boundless, the God who was able to do immeasurably more.

So I set off to find out about this God who would create someone like me, someone who, deep down inside, was confused and messy and hurting and vastly imperfect. You could say that I am still on that journey to find out who I am by way of who He is. It is an art form, this excavating of the soul, and it could very well prove to be the most worthwhile pursuit on one’s life.

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The conversation starts here: 

When you meditate on the question of what kind of God would create someone like you, what traits come to mind? Do you believe that they accurately describe God? Why or why not?

When you meditate on the idea of “soul excavation,” what thoughts or feelings do you have?

{Leave your questions + answers + thoughts in the comments below.}

Some Fine Print:

This is the second of thirty-one installments to be posted throughout the month of October. To view the entire table of contents as it is made available, click here. You can receive the entire series in your inbox for free by subscribing via email (no spam, just my heart by way of weblog). Please feel free to pass these words along to a friend. Sharing is caring!